EVERYBODY KNOWS.

my last post was during the last school year. June 9.
i'd like to think that i'm a whole new person! (: seeeniiiorr. but no, thats not the case.
looking back at the past three years in high school, hmm, i dont think i've changed too much. there have been some drastic high points and the low points are just low points, nothing too bad. most of those high points occurred during my first two years, i wonder why? oh, i mean high as in emotionally and spiritually. intellectually, im never. hmm, im not saying that i didnt have great memories from my junior year-i definitely did, but i feel like i had more drive, more joy during freshman/sophomore year. perhaps it was due to christian club, as weird as it is to admit it. thats where the spiritual high comes from. emotionally, mm, i have to say that is from my relationships with people. i dont have very healthy relationships, haha. but rewind to those two years, i was slightly more open, had something good going on with my parents. friend-wise, i know im not that great of a friend, and those two years, i cant think think of anyone that i was particularly close to. oh wait, i know, cutiekim. but that friend boat has sailed away, which is all my fault.. junior year was great for friends. and i think that during junior year, my greatest memories came from my friendships.
today is September 19, meaning that summer has ended and a new school year has begun. so has the stress. but that never leaves me, hah. i dont know what im going to make of this year. i have no goals that i want accomplished, well, besides getting into college, that whole deal. other than that, its whatever. currently, no highs, no lows. it's a steady line, kind of like the heart monitor of someone dead. i dont know if i'm implying anything through that simile, but take from it what you will.
i know that there's a lot of things/people i failed to mention from my past three years in the above passage. they may be trivial or significant, no matter. just that i didnt mention it/you doesnt make it/you forgotten to me, but that i'd rather keep it to myself for now. if youre reading this now, either because youre my friend or have a subscription that i have not yet deleted and not some other random person, well, i think that the history you and i share is pretty poignant, even though i havent told you exactly how so.

" ‘Cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows
How to make it work, or how to ease the hurt
We’ve heard it all before, that everybody knows
How to make it right, I wish we gave it one more try
One more try
One more try
'Cause everybody knows, but nobody really knows"
-John Legend

STUPID

someone does care, A LOT OF PEOPLE ACTUALLY.
really.
reallyreallyreally.

you scared the hell out of me today.

but i hope you know i care.
and i swear, i could clobber her. (:

ily!
so eat a freaaking strawberry.

note: im sorry for my brief minute of tears. yes, just a minute. but i am okay. because life stays good nonetheless. i hate how some people are just dumb at times but others, like chane, the BF, and alwaysalways KEBANG (apbang+apchem apparently), are so wonderful that crying is not worth the effort.
TWO DAYS LEFT.

A DAPH REVIEW

right now, i can hear my mom humming downstairs and its making me smile (:

i dont know what there is to say, really.
i guess when i dont have anything to complain about, i have nothing else to say, hah.
but yes, life is treating me well, you can say that.
there will always be blahs and skinned knees
but there are many things im looking forward to and i guess, life is giving me an abundance of bandaids.
because i dont need them currently, i hope i can give it to others so that they can know a bit of the healing i feel.

everything is coming along.
academics are academics. i can hope for a good grade but i wont get it unless i work hard. so its all a matter of sitting on my tush and studying like i should for finals and my last sets of SAT IIs. saying theyre my last is being a little too hopeful but its more like im saying that im giving myself one last chance so i better push myself. you know?
friendships are fantastic (:
family is getting better. the trip helped a lot i think. and i hope this coming summer trip to japan will be even better! im still a little bitter about you doing so much. and im a little angry when you said, just as you said last year, that you plan on loosening your load this upcoming year. last year you said it but it didnt really happen this year, did it? no. and now, youre taking another person along with you and that other person has also said to me, oh, its going to be just a light load. but i know. and still, its oaky. i just hope you trust me to make wise choices.
faith, well, thats a little fishy. everything else is going well and i know i need to focus on this aspect of myself more. especially in preparation for my trip this summer. i think that me reviewing what to teach, which stories, that will help me. i can relearn the basics, relearn everything and try to understand it simply as it is. im not asking for blind faith or even wanting that childlike faith of complete trust, no. i will take it, knowing that there are things i wont understand, things that are beyond my depth of comprehension, that theres someone who has a glorious plan for me, a plan even better than anything i can imagine. i will relearn it, knowing a blood donor saved my life. so this life, its not for me to live but for me to give.

ohh that felt so cliche to say (:

my mom is still humming and shes even singing now too (:

i will end my long post with something i just read and found highly amusing:
'hello my name is daphne
but you can call me tonight.'

postscript: i dont know really who still keeps up with my blog so if you could give me some feedback? because ive started deleting some random subscriptions and i wouldnt want to delete you! and i dont really update as much so..well, that has nothing to do with it. hah. okay. teehee, im actually allowing comments (:

yours truly.

"i was stupid"
i think perhaps, you werent. you were smart to be clueless and in this way, we became two separate people. completely. it was quite an interesting conversation i must say. as good as it was and as much as i enjoyed it, i wasnt all too comfortable and i hope we're not going to start a trend going here. im not about to repeat the past.

today was horrible. honestly. i feel completely miserable. i cant understand why im such a disappointment to them.

and i cant understand why, no matter how hard i do try to be good and 'bring honor', i fail. theres alwys some aspect that goes wrong. and i trulytruly cannot match up to the first no matter how hard i strive to be.

and its not even that hes going. no, i have no problem with that. its just that i feel like i cant hold on to anyone or anything. so you might as well say goodbye now. and you know im not staying after next year, so why pursue the friendship? you have no faith that we'll stay together or keep in touch, so why bother with it now? if we stop these charades, then i might as well start eating lunch in the bathroom stall, just like in the movies.

before this, i was trying to start my aplit college reflections. and i cant answer any of those questions. you can ask me in person and ive got it all down, but ive been rethinking and rethinking. and i start back at zero, no goals, no hopes, no plans.

ive made no progress whatsoever. and i dont want to face you and see how well youre getting. because im not there. so i remain cheerful and let you do the talking. i hope you will never see through this.

ANGRY FACE

please you guys, get it together. prom is four days away.
either you want to go or you dont. if you do, ask him. if you dont, he doesnt have the nerve to ask you.
if you want to go and got asked, say yes and be happy. if you dont want to go and got asked, say no and then run away, not the other way or any other way.
if youre going, choose oooooone dress and make up your mind. might as well your face too if you want, not saying that you need it.
if you dont want to go and dont want to go with a specific person, then dont go. why feel obligated to go when your mind is already set? its not like youre going to have any fun anyway like that.
if you asked someone, you shouldnt tell them you dont want to go with them three days later. and then ask some other girl. you just dont. but you wouldnt know any better and you wouldnt understand that the first was so much better and had been so good to you. the second is, well, you can complete it bc im not even going to waste my vulgar words on them.
if someone asked you and you dont want to go with them, you should decently turn them down in person instead of via text, myspace, facebook, twitter, email, phone, aim, etc.

improper use of pronouns.

feel free to call me now for insulting you in any way or for being utterly dumb. unfortunately, i will be in bed because i cant afford to face you, my actions, or tomorrow, which is ap calc exam of course. 

love? give me a break.